my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
