he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm at about main and main street
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
