i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
