Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
