k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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