it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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