believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
