It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
