i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
