So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
