My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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