what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
