can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
