I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm both gender and math confused
Someone signed my nipple.
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