And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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