So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
