He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
