do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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