There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
