Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
