I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
