When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
