I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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