I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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