I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
