Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
