how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
