He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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