ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
