working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
