I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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