no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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