I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
