U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
