And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
