wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry about my life...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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