I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
