apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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