Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize