My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
