Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
