Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
