Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
