Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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