I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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