i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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