I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
