and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
