yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
