Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
