some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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